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e-Book Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most download

e-Book Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most download

by Douglas Stone,Bruce Patton,Roger Fisher,Sheila Heen

ISBN: 014028852X
ISBN13: 978-0140288520
Language: English
Publisher: Penguin Books; 1 edition (April 2000)
Pages: 250
Category: Relationships
Subategory: Self-Help

ePub size: 1913 kb
Fb2 size: 1985 kb
DJVU size: 1306 kb
Rating: 4.3
Votes: 284
Other Formats: mbr lrf mobi lit

Difficult Conversations, written by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers constructive tips on how to navigate through those encounters. The authors tell us tha. uman interactions are complex.

Difficult Conversations, written by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers constructive tips on how to navigate through those encounters. Trouble arises from the intersection of styles, behaviors, assumptions, and interests, not because one person is all good and the other all bad. In a potentially volatile conversation, it is normal to hear what we think is being said without fully understanding the other person, which can lead to defensiveness and blame.

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project. They have been consultants to businesspeople, governments, organizations, communities, and individuals around the world, and have written on negotiation and communication in publications ranging from the New York Times to Parents magazine. Bruce Patton is also a co-author of Getting to Yes. Each of them lives in Boston, Massachusetts.

Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt

Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt

Stone, Patton, and Heen illustrate their points with anecdotes, scripted conversations and familiar examples in a clear, easy-to-browse format.

Stone, Patton, and Heen illustrate their points with anecdotes, scripted conversations and familiar examples in a clear, easy-to-browse format. Publishers Weekly . The central insights of Difficult Conversations so resonate with common sense that it is easy to overlook just how remarkable of a book it i. .

by Bruce Patton (Author), Douglas Stone (Author), Sheila Heen (Author), Roger Fisher (Foreword) & 1 more.

Difficult Conversations book. Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton. Difficult Conversations is a how-to self-help book on negotiating conflict in emotionally-loaded discussions between two people

Difficult Conversations book. Difficult Conversations is a how-to self-help book on negotiating conflict in emotionally-loaded discussions between two people. A "difficult conversation," according to Stone et al, is "anything you find it hard to talk about"

Get books you want to what matters most in business, just look in the mirror. That's right, it's YOU. Do these other.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. by Douglas Stone · Bruce Patton · Sheila Heen. The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learningWe swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers-but also family, frien. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. by Roger Fisher · William Ury · Bruce Patton. to what matters most in business, just look in the mirror. Load more similar PDF files.

Difficult conversations are anything that someone does not want to talk about, such as asking for a raise or complaining to a neighbor about his barking dog. People are usually reluctant to open a difficult conversation out of fear of the consequences. Typically, when the conversation does occur the parties think and feel a lot more than they actually say. Underlying every difficult conversation are actually three deeper conversations. The "What happened?" conversation usually involves disagreement over what happened, what should happen, and who is to blame. The feelings conversation is about the parties' emotions, and their validity.

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project.

The authors outline a step-by-step process designed to help readers negotiate the most difficult conversations imaginable, from negotiating with a tricky client to telling someone "I love you." Reprint.
Comments:
Saithinin
For several years I've been working in psychotherapy to actually feel my anger - and use it productively so that people don't walk all over me. I used to be such a people-pleaser, i didn't even know when I was angry... and then I would unknowingly turn all my anger on myself - in the form of depression and self-criticism. It can still take awhile for me to realize when I don't like something and am annoyed or frustrated. And when I get angry, I can still become very anxious so it's tempting to vent, thinking I'm so entitled and right. But venting always turns out bad. Now I'm committed to becoming aware when I don't like something - sooner and sooner - and setting boundary or at least expressing what I don't like. Enter this book. It is helping me do all the is MUCH more gracefully. At first I just wanted to set a boundary. Sometimes it came out harsh. Now I understand the importance of staying calm, compassionate and connected with the other person when expressing my likes and dislikes as well as when negotiating and compromising - and staying friends during the whole process! I'm still learning. And reading the book. I'm not depressed anymore. Really. It's really great.

MisTereO
Very basic info. The conversations presented were not ones I would consider difficult as they only require basic counseling skills. For me difficult conversations would be things like addressing insubordination at work or having to tell a family member that they or someone they love has a terminal illness. Glad I got the book on a kindle sale for 1.99......wasn't what I was hoping for.

Anarawield
As part of self improvement for communication skills I was encouraged by my manager to read this book. At first, I was hesitant because I had just read another (worth reading) book along a similar subject "Crucial Conversations" and because I didn't believe I had another 272 pages left to learn about conversations. I wasn't into this book a full chapter before I understood this book was going to be worth reading.
This book should not be kept as a secret tool that successful people use to further their ambitions. I believe that this information should be shared broadly even if in a watered down version. I will be so bold even to say this should be a part of high school curriculum. The more any group of people are implementing these principles the more productive that group will be.

Dainris
By far one of the best books I've read about communications no matter what type of difficult conversation you're having. It breaks down the conversation, especially what's not explicitly expressed and then gives you ways to communicate going forward. There are plenty of examples and ideas how to communicate what feels vulnerable, but ultimately leads to better understanding overall.

Anarius
This audiobook is really good, it is read by the 3 authors, and they role play a lot of different types of conversations which is very helpful as opposed to just reading the book in your head with the one narrative voice you have. Plus if you have specific difficult conversations that you need to have in mind when listening to the examples you can pull the overall meaning of what they are getting at and apply it to your situation. Of course the examples that are super close to the conversations that you need to have are the best to listen role played out. :)

Felolak
This is by far one of my favorite books. This truly helps you understand the fact that not all conversations have one statement but instead have many. It will have you looking at how people communicate with you and how you communicate with others. It will have you sometimes over analyzing words and sentences and the use of emotional terms in a conversation. Such a great and easy read, this is a book I recommend for anyone. You will be surprised how easy it is to get the jist of proper and forward conversation.

Painshade
Do you find yourself stewing silently, letting anger and resentment build, because you're avoiding the discomfort of a difficult conversation? Do you have that one relative or colleague with whom every effort to communicate results in disaster? Before you give up, give this book a try. It provides very specific guidance on how to initiate and the most challenging of conversations and steer them away from disaster.

Difficult conversations are a normal part of life - we have them with friends, colleagues, relatives, in a variety of settings. Examples of conversations discussed are breaking up in a relationship, asking for a raise, dealing with an ex on child-related issues, dealing with perceived racism at work, dealing with perceived poor workmanship. This is the stuff of everyday life.

The authors contend that each difficult conversation is really three conversations - one involves what happened, one involves feelings, and the third involves self-identity.

WHAT HAPPENED? With respect to what happened, we need to be open to and curious about another person's perception of what happened, instead of clinging to our own version of the truth. The authors caution us not to speculate about others' intents, be genuinely curious about the other person's perspective, and embrace the "and stance." You may be right and they may be right. Don't assume that all of they stories are mutually exclusive. We need to focus on contributions to the situation, not blame, and try to understand our own roles in contributing to the conflict. Being unapproachable, avoiding conflict, and allowing a bad situation to remain unchecked are all forms of contribution.

FEELINGS. Feelings should be expressed and described carefully, without judging, blaming, or attributing. When we don't share our feelings, we are depriving other persons of an opportunity to learn how their behavior impacts us. Keeping our feelings to ourselves really keeps us out of the relationship and makes problem-solving more difficult.

IDENTITY. This discussion was the most enlightening part of the book for me. The authors contend that difficult conversations threaten our own identity, because they may require us to say something that is inconsistent with our own self-image. I can't fire someone, because I am a nice person and a nice person wouldn't cause someone to lose his job. I can't admit I made a mistake because I am a competent professional who doesn't deliver shoddy work. I can't confront my child's teacher because I'm not one of those pain-in-the-rear parents who try to run the school. I can't ask for a raise - what if my boss tells me that I'm not performing as well as my colleagues. Identity issues can cause us to be in denial, and we can allow others' feedback to define us. The trick here is again, to embrace the "and stance." Know that others may perceive us differently that we perceive ourselves; both perceptions are reality. We can be a nice person and at the same time fire someone.

The authors also note that the other party to a conversation has an identity, also, and we must be mindful of our comments that shake their identity.

APPROACHING THE CONVERSATION.
After discussing the "three conversations," the authors outline how to approach the difficult conversation. Is this issue even worth raising? If so, you want to learn the other party's story, express your own feelings, and seek a path forward.

The best starting point is from the "third story" - how a neutral mediator might describe the situation. When we begin within our own story, we trigger defensiveness from the start. The authors discuss a number of listening and inquiry skills - nothing new in substance, but the presentation makes lots of sense and is always grounded in real-world examples. There are concrete tips for speaking clearly and remaining in control of our emotions in an imbalanced situation.

Throughout the book, there are plenty of examples, nearly all of them common situations. The authors describe a conversation that gets off to a rotten start, and then show how you can reframe and redirect the conversation down a more productive path. It's very subtle and particularly enlightening.

Overall, this is a highly readable, very good book, one that I believe will be more valuable after several readings.

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